Only equanimitize

In the spirit of E.M. Forster, Bryan Appleyard invited his readers to share their rules of conduct, learned from bitter experience and humiliation, on how to maintain an even keel, or as he more eloquently put it, maintain a tolerable equanimity. Today Bryan posted the resulting 12 rules, culled from reader submissions and appropriately reworded to suit Bryan's unique tastes. Here is the final list:

1)Do not rely on the good intentions of any cat.
2)Never heckle a man with a microwave.
3)Do not attempt to flush cellophane.
4)Do not interfere with shower controls in the houses of others and do not handcuff a physicist to said shower.
5)The insultee should expend 50 per cent less energy on being insulted than the insulter does on insulting.
6)Starship captains: do not beam aboard strange devices of unknown origin or purpose or anything lizard-like.
7)Walk everywhere, but look where you are going.
8)After 45 do not trouble yourself with people you don't like. Also attempt to do this before 45 but you will fail.
9)Insist you are right at all times except when you are wrong.
10)If right-handed, do not push your right arm through a window.
11)Use latex rather than oil whenever possible.
12)In Germany on Sunday expect nothing.

Of note from the list is the contribution of the Duckian contingent, namely moi and the equanimitous Brit, to three of the final rules. May these rules help all of you to realize the blessings of a tolerable equanimity!