There is still a place for satire…
…in our crazy world, but it has to be good. The Onion shows how it’s done, following the souring of yet another fairytale, as Tour de France winner Floyd Landis tests positive.
Report: Your Favorite Player Took Steroids
August 3, 2006 Onion Sports
NEW YORK— Representatives from Major League Baseball, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, the National Hockey League, and several other major sporting organizations announced Tuesday that a study conducted by an independent agency has determined that your personal favorite player "almost certainly" took steroids if he or she played at any point during the past 150 years.
"We are saddened to announce that any and all professional athletes regarded with respect or affection by fans of professional sports was a regular user of performance-enhancing substances including, but not limited to, the anabolic androgenic steroid class of synthetic hormones," MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced at a press conference Tuesday, where he was accompanied at the lectern by NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, NBA commissioner David Stern, and representatives from the governing bodies of 22 other major sports.
"We sincerely apologize for, and confess that we share in, the profound feeling of disappointment and betrayal that our fans must be feeling at this time, and ask that you exercise patience as we release the entire 20,000-page, 36-volume set of our findings."
Report: Your Favorite Player Took Steroids
August 3, 2006 Onion Sports
NEW YORK— Representatives from Major League Baseball, the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, the National Hockey League, and several other major sporting organizations announced Tuesday that a study conducted by an independent agency has determined that your personal favorite player "almost certainly" took steroids if he or she played at any point during the past 150 years.
"We are saddened to announce that any and all professional athletes regarded with respect or affection by fans of professional sports was a regular user of performance-enhancing substances including, but not limited to, the anabolic androgenic steroid class of synthetic hormones," MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced at a press conference Tuesday, where he was accompanied at the lectern by NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, NBA commissioner David Stern, and representatives from the governing bodies of 22 other major sports.
"We sincerely apologize for, and confess that we share in, the profound feeling of disappointment and betrayal that our fans must be feeling at this time, and ask that you exercise patience as we release the entire 20,000-page, 36-volume set of our findings."
posted by Brit at 5:33 AM
3 Comments:
Hmmm - looking at it, it occurs to me that in the absence of Duck and Skipper I've contrived to fill the DD with just the kind of trivial nonsense that so characterises Think of England.
August may be the silly season, but I will endeavour to come up with something more intellectually challenging tomorrow. Maybe.
Oh heavens no. I don't think I could stand anything more intellectually challenging than the onion!
There are few sites with a better grasp of the modern world than the Onion.
Plus, I laughed like a drain at that story.
This one was good, too.
Post a Comment
<< Home