Saturday, April 29, 2006

The "Book of Discombobulations" of Brother Duck

I must confess that I have been a little disingenuous with my recent posts disparaging the apocalyptic obsessions of others. Disingenuous because I too have received visions of doom which I don't truly understand. I have remained silent on these visions for many years, fearing ridicule and condemnation. But I think that I owe it to the world to share them, in the hopes that others may help me to decipher their meaning and to hopefully be prepared for the end times.

I had my visions over a weekend in 1994, after drinking a twelve-pack of an obscure Mexican beer that I found at the local liquor store. It was the only case of it's kind, and I've never been able to find the brand again. It was labeled "Tres Seises". I take this as a sign that I was chosen to receive these visions.

As Peter has earlier pointed out, my obsession with $100 oil may be a sign of the impending Discombobulation. I began transcribing my visions last night, and will publish it in a series of installments. I categorize the visions as follows: first are the Three Signs. These are the first indicators that we are approaching the end times. I believe that all three signs have already become manifest. Next are the Four Messengers, which I believe are soon to become known. The last chapter will be the arrival of the Anti-Duck.

Here is the first chapter of the Three Signs.

Sign 1: Things on top of other Things unput.

I saw in the world many things which rested not upon other things,
but lay singly, side by side, upon the ground.
And multiplied were the things which rested not on other things,
For men had forsaken their duty.
Once men strove mightily to take things,
which rested not upon other things,
but lie singly upon the ground,
(which counteth not as a thing)
and put them onto other things,
so that all things were on top of other things.
And they kept count of things that had been put
on top of other things,
and things that yet had to be put on top of other things.
So that the progress of Mankind could be measured,
and the virtue of every age might be judged.

Yet I saw men, shameless in their shiftlessness,
dare question Sacred Wisdom, and the Gods,
who commandeth that Men should strive to put all things upon other things.
Verily they complained that the putting of things
on top of other things served no purpose,
but was in contradiction with their Manly senses and reasoning,
which they valued highly, yea, even above that divine Wisdom which they understood not.
For hath not Nature, in Her Grandness,
not made any thing but that it should be on top of, or below, another thing?
Doth not the Ground itself stand upon a Turtle,
and that Turtle upon another,
and that upon another, all the way down?

And so Men forsook their solemn duty,
and all manner of things unput upon other things multiplied,
and there was a great clutter upon the land.
And things were misplaced, and things were lost.
And Man could not find his keys, nor findeth he his tax receipts.
Then a great confusion descended upon Man,
and his sorrows multiplied.

5 Comments:

Blogger Peter Burnet said...

OK, so who's going first here? Not me, that's for sure.

April 29, 2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Duck said...

I was afraid that the world might not be ready for this vision.

Oh well. For those who may need to buy a clue for interpreting this sign, I refer you hence.

April 29, 2006 6:44 PM  
Blogger Peter Burnet said...

"Mom, Grandpa's making us listen to his Monty Python sketches again. Do we have to?"

April 29, 2006 7:23 PM  
Blogger Hey Skipper said...

I knew that was an MP reference, but I couldn't quite place it -- thought it was from one of the mystics in Life of Brian ...

April 30, 2006 7:34 AM  
Blogger Duck said...

Yes Peter, the young folk no longer listen to the wisdom of their elders. Just another sign of the impending disombobulation to come.

April 30, 2006 11:21 AM  

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